Thursday, May 26, 2011

Freedom

Luck makes a difference.
Know that.
Then forget it.
Throw your hat into the ring.
Declare you'll make your own luck.
Be nicer to people.
Nothing changes.
Your life is consistently up and down.
Believe in karma.
But realize some time afterward
it all comes out even in the end
no matter what.
Remember luck makes a difference
and curse it.
Then praise it when things
take a turn for the better.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The mansion had long been abandoned. In its glory days it had been the scene of a great love affair, many a party had been held in the grand ballroom, and a queen had even once visited. But now it was dark and decaying. Wild animals roamed and nested in the house. The furniture was still all there. The table was set, as if the inhabitants had been called away quite suddenly. But everything was coated in a thick layer of dust and all those who might have remembered the house when it was beautiful had been dead a long time.

Pivotal Moments

He was leaning in a doorway
talking to me.
I could feel the vibrations
between our bodies.
These are the type of pivotal
moments
that determine whether
two people will end up
in bed together.
And it hurts to imagine
that as I laid reading
at oh two in the morning
some time later
his body was finding its way
into hers.
And now my stomach feels sick.
Midnight calls
with the telephone cord
wrapped around.
Cherry lips speak of sin
and eyes of stardust tempt.
He longs to dive into her.
But she just laughs
running up the stairs
or down a hallway.
Pools of anticipation gather.
Scenes playing out
in the mind.
Tongues run over teeth.
A shoulder blade
seen in moonlight.
Bare legs crossed.
Cruel words spoken sweetly.
All the dance of lovers.

Happy Hour

The good cheer roars on. Strangers get acquainted in bars, whether they be hip or seedy and run down. Tucker Max is gulping down shots somewhere and there's a lustful couple in the corner. The air is humid and happy, just as the people. Some man sits alone, perhaps drawing architectural designs on a napkin, perhaps merely staring at the polychromatic glass bottles. But for most the revelry and affection go on. They don't call it happy hour for nothing.
No one wears hats as much as they used to. This isn't the first half of the 1900s or even the 1960s. There's no modern day Don Draper, suave and cologned. Suits aren't what they used to be, worn with such pride by so many day in and day out. The glamour has faded and now we don't feel the need to cover our heads with regalness. Ladies let their tresses flow and gentlemen brush their hair on a good day. Sometimes I wish we still had that facade, that fancy facade. But now we know too much of scientific and medical matters and what will end up killing us all, whether it be quickly or slowly. The romance is dead.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The French Man and The Prostitute

The French man sits in his second story apartment. Stray cats yowl in the alley. He used to feed them. He'd throw them scraps of cheese but then they started following him around. And he just didn't need anyone else demanding things of him. He has broken a fair number of hearts for this very reason. He seduces women without speaking and never calls them for he refuses to get a telephone. He writes his sickly mother a letter a week and takes the train to visit her every third Sunday of the month. The rest of his time is mostly spent alone, staring at the wall as he strives for epiphanies to clamor out on his typewriter. He feels he is a tortured soul and therefore he must write. But all he has come up with in the three months he's been living in the apartment have been ramblings about the city lights and the rain and the prostitute on the corner. He can see her now, if he turns his neck a bit. He has never brought her home, never even spoken to her, but he thinks about her often. He wonders about her life and upbringing. What led to her to such a life? What led her to this very street? He's never even gotten a good look at her face.

And so, the French man sits as he has so many nights before; a bottle of red wine open and his typewriter mocking him. His apartment is mostly bare. He has few belongings. There is a painting above his bed that was there when he rented the room. It's an odd portrait of some king with haunting eyes from the monarch days. He wrote a short story about this old man above his bed but the story was vague and contrived. He had ended up tearing the pages and throwing them out the window in an act of defiance. The cats had looked up at him with hunger in their eyes and yowled in confusion.

The apartment has a sitting room where he entertains ladies on a burgundy velvet couch. He keeps a stack of the best literature of France in the corner, only the classics. A worn royal blue Persian carpet adorns the floor. He got it on sale on a market and purchased it on a whim. It was one of the few attempts he'd made to make the apartment more welcoming. The kitchen and restroom he'd left as the day he moved in. They were small anyway, like on a ship, and he spent little time in them. Except for his baths. He liked to read for an hour or two as the water turned from hot to lukewarm to cold.

That particular night he'd had ham and cheese on a loaf of bread for dinner. He'd eaten alone as he almost always did. With the radio on soft and a candle lit. These are also his preferred conditions when he has a woman over. Women often describe him as romantic. It is not until later that they realize he cares nothing for them but merely for himself and what they can do for him. In his own mind he views himself as a secret prince. He just hasn't found his true love yet. He is a man who seems to be waiting. Waiting for his muse to inspire his yet to be written novel. Waiting for the perfect woman. Waiting for his life to happen.

It can't be determined what changed him on this starry night. Ordinarily he would have kept drinking and perhaps written a paragraph or two about shadows and human desperation before falling asleep as dawn approached. But perhaps he has grown tired of being alone or maybe it was that nostalgic love song that came on the radio, but he suddenly feels the need to get out. It's a hot and humid night and he wears a thin cotton shirt. He leaves the candle burning.

Walking down the steps he is unsure of his destination. Maybe he'll just take a walk, get some air in his lungs. He just needs to be somewhere else besides his apartment. He knows he spends too much time alone, that it can't be healthy. But every time he tries to go out and socialize it always ends up the same. He ends up with some voluptuous woman coming back home with him. It's the same old story just with different women.

As soon as he gets outside he walks along the cobblestone street in the direction of the prostitute. There is a streetlight making everything glow yellow and the moon is full and bright tonight so he can see very clearly. It is maybe two in the morning and there is no one else around. Almost all have gone to sleep and windows are dark. As he approaches the prostitute hears his footsteps and turns. She is wearing a short pink dress clearly cheap and flimsy. Her high heels are pink as well. Her hair is blonde and long. He can tell she's about his age, not too young and not too old. If she had a different type of life she'd have just graduated from a university. Her face is made up heavily with makeup. But despite it she is still very beautiful. He is caught off guard by her eyes. They were wide and vulnerable. When he looks into them for that moment he feels as though he shouldn't be. As if he is looking at something personal.

"Hello sir. Would you like some company tonight?" Her voice is soft and extremely feminine.

He is unsure of what to do. He stands a few feet from her. He has never been with a lady of the night before and has never considered the idea. He is a good-looking man himself and has no trouble with women. In fact, they often pursue him.

She looks at him with those eyes and he feels himself melt a little.

"You are very beautiful you know." He says this in a burst, thinking the words and immediately letting them escape from his mouth. She giggles. She takes his hand.

"Come on sir. You want to, I can tell."

"I-I-I live there." He stammers with nervousness, pointing to his apartment. She smiles coyly. He is completely captivated by her. She is still holding his hand and leads him to his doorway. As they walk up the stairs he cannot quite believe what is happening. He even drops his keys trying to open the door he is so anxious. She giggles again, a sound so girlish he is reminded of the girls of his childhood.

When they enter the apartment she immediately kicks off her shoes before going and laying herself out on the burgundy velvet couch. She begins to undress. Slowly unzipping her dress while looking him straight in the eye. It is almost too much for him. His palms are sweaty. His heart is racing. He walks into the other room and grabs his bottle of wine taking a swig off it to calm himself down. When he returns she is completely naked. He is surprised and stares. He can't help himself. His eyes drink in every curve and every detail of her beautiful flesh. When his eyes rest upon hers he realizes she has been staring at him for the past few moments. He becomes flustered, looking away. She rises from the couch, looking him in the eyes the entire time, and unzips his pants.

Afterward he is embarrassed. He can't believe he just had sex with a prostitute. He always thought that was for desperate men, ugly men. He lies on the couch as she puts her dress back on.

"Hey, do you have a family?" He asks quietly. It is a question he has been pondering as he looked at her from afar.

"No, both my parents are dead. I have always been an orphan."

He feels his heart sink for her. And for a moment he wants to save her from it all, from her life of depravity. He can imagine marrying her and moving to a house in the country. Perhaps he could write better out there. She'd cook all the time and it would be a good and simple life. But the moment passes and he is reminded she is a whore as she puts her pink high heels back on. He gets his wallet and holds out some money, he isn't sure of how much she'll want. She doesn't grab much. Less than he is holding and less than he would have guessed. He feels his heart sink again.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Teenage Girl.

The girl was always in her head. She had spent ages thirteen to seventeen moping about daydreaming of love in her bedroom. She'd listen to music on her parent's old record player with her feet up. She romanticized everything, wore pink bows in her hair, and couldn't see why things didn't work out like in the movies. She wanted someone to kiss her in the rain, to sacrifice for her, to love her completely. What she refused to acknowledge was that that time simply hadn't come for her yet. Sure it was the time of awkward first kisses and first brasseries purchased with blushes but it wasn't the time of true love. That would come later. And it did. At seventeen, she met him by chance. At that moment, it all changed. Innocence lost and thoughts consumed.